So if theysmoke its like a double whammy."Mom must have seen my perplexed look and tried to ease my mind bytelling me I shouldn't worry about it. "It doesn't mean Tim won't beable to have intercourse with you, but it does mean you'll need to workat the relationship. Is there anything else that's bothering you?" sheasked.I took a puff from my cigarette and thought about it as I exhaled."I'm worried about a lot of things, but I don't know where to start," Isaid. "Like right now I'm still trying to get used to the idea that Ireally do like men. I know that's a good thing but it makes me feellike everything else about me was a lie." Your life as a boy wasn't a lie," my mother said. "But your dream ofbeing an older woman was more important to you than being a footballstar or growing up to be a man. It was just hard for you to admit itto yourself and to your father and I, but I'm glad you did." Are you really glad or are you just saying that to make me feel betterabout it?" I. One of the chapters was the siege of Khe Sanh and Missy told me with tears in her eyes that he wrote the whole book just so he could have that chapter. She said it was really about their son, Bobbie. Mr. Chance had talked to a number of men that had served with him so it was really true stuff.Missy was so wonderful to talk to — I was able to talk with her about things I couldn't talk to my mom about. I wound up telling her all about how I'd got pregnant. Here she was dying but I was the one crying and she was comforting me. She promised not to tell her husband... I'd die if he knew how dumb I had been.When she started taking the drugs for the pain and sleeping so much I started getting more nervous being around Mr. Chance. When Missy had still been able to get around it wasn't so bad; she was around most of the time her husband was. The worst was when I thought I had closed the bathroom door but I guess it didn't latch. I was stepping out of the tub, slow and clumsy with my big.
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